Everyday goshdamnnit

Max Payne 3
What a game, it brings noir style writing to a modern medium.

I knew she was trouble from the moment she signed into facebook, her beautifully presented cover photo knew i was looking like a whore in a brothel.

But it was her facebook message that really showed me her intentions, she wasn't subtle about her intentions, she was bold, verbally striding into my life, demanding, recruiting, indoctrinating.

"Hey why aren't you on google+ yet?"

silence, I pleaded with my  consciousness, this girl was clever and sweet she didn't need someone like me in her life, never mind filling up her circles.

like the weasel the social network is, it informed her that "I'd seen the message" the bastard betrayed me, and not for the first time, but I'm a man in an unhappy marriage, I'd stick by my network through thick and thin.

she gifted me a knowing smile ":)"

Facebook had forced my hand, so I anted up

"I guess I've never really much about it, what is it?"

I looked her in the profile picture and lied, I'm not proud of it. I was twitching, like a AA member in a brewery, I wanted to leave this conversation, I knew what would happen if I voiced my mind and I didn't want that, no one did.
"Oh well, it's basically this great site, where you..."

the train had gone runaway, and it was about to turn into a train wreck.

I was going to cave, I could feel it, my hands wrestling with the W,A.S.D keys, to distract me. I was itching, I just needed to tell her to shut up, to go away, she was nice, a class act, but I wanted to escape this conversation so quickly the sound of me pressing alt f4 could be heard from miles around.

"oh that does sound cool", "I can't believe I've not heard of it", "that's great", I was caving, Google+, twitter, hell all websites were distracting me.

My mind finally found an excuse, it wasn't the truth but I might finally be able to leave this situation with my head held high, oh how wrong I was.

"I must dash, I'm so tired I really need some sleep! I'll definitely join tomorrow!"

It was only a matter of time before she found me, but why then? Maybe the whole thing was a test, well the spider had spun her web and I'd just walked in head first

"Oh wait, I just found you!"

"oh yea?"

"Yea, I didn't know you were an animal lover"

She saw me typing but I didn't care, I had nothing left to say, she was a sweet thing, but like eve and the apple, I'd just given her undeniable knowledge.

Except this time I was toiling outside the garden of self respect.

I grit my teeth, and ran into battle head first, better me explain than urban dictionary

"Actually a furry isn't an 'animal lover' we are a group of liberal minded..." I didn't need to say anymore, but I typed for 2 whole minutes, a lengthy paragraph about the depravity.

Her response was the kiss of death

"Oh, cool, got to go, bye!"

Women are like vodka, exotic to the taste but you regret any contact later on.

Is an example of noir style modernessness